'it gets my lips messy, when i smile'

10 years of it & removing the singular pronoun of - 'I'

why has our language broken so far down? - mine included.
messy, obtuse, retractable.

back to forth, there may always be a way to change. 
a tik-tok influencer may say it as, 'manifesting'. i'd say it as...i'm not sure these days.
seeing this bastardization of art, of culture, sounds, songs, life innately from 19'-23' - did you too, forget?
there was a pandemic, everyone lived like me,

can you hang?
-and still, i'm not sure why i feel the need to then become the very thing i critique - hypocrites.

we all may be, to various degrees. 
and that's the better parts of us there - a willingness to change in births.
seeing yourself in the mirror after taking your first few steps after paralysis.
seeing yourself in these candid lights, 
seeing yourself
seeing
see
seek & find.


people talk about grit, grinded cores, and influential bystanders would walk up to take it all away.
what goes on passed the point of no return.
how long can you drown until gills form.
is there ever a time, like now?

writing about things tends to get you in feedback loops, sort of like forgetting black-hole reverb w/ 0% decay is on a send in Ableton.
i haven't composed a song in over 2 years now.
-there's 2200 of them and still yes, none. that recently.

when i think of my songs - compositions. it's a religious moment, liminal, i succumb to it.
i think of my 10 inch Subwoofer that i was able to crank in my dilapidated house as a kid, into...a point of no return.
-i wrote even more after that.

6 hours, get out. no,
you cannot spend the night.

i saved lives, before my own.
i watched the stars die out,
i held hands until i squeezed too tight they were ripped away,
i speak through tones,
i wandered,
i sought,

and still, it comes back to you.

there's an album just sitting here now,
it's named - 'not to condemn the world'
it was recorded throughout random places, the foley was all picked up from around me. 
much like my names from, 'various corners of the internet'.

i worry i sound head-like in moments where i'm never given a chance to explain, i yearn on, and on. people stop listening pretty fast, i get that.
-yet still,
--i would give up all the words, sounds, minsicule dumb things to pick up on.

if you could see the world how i see

-alice
xoxo