atimetowait

There was a death at every corner.

Underneath the bed, within the silenced figurine…they were all there.
And they all just stared back. Snapping around, their heads only did the same. Tracking movements, blood pressures, heart rates.
Abnormalities were just the kinship to keep suspense.
Everyone had one.

Despite,
there was a woman…thinking, beside herself.
She was everywhere all at once, I called her Ana.
and I joined her within time.

I could sense her own agitation.
Her claim was that it wasn’t like her — that, the twitch.
The eye movements, her self-soothing touch was still her nature though.
She ran those finger pads across her cheek bones…all her bones for that matter, and there were plenty to see, plenty to trace.

After some time, mostly just occupying a shared space.
There was closeness, and what of it? — the only sense of what we could gain, is what draws you farther away from the thing you need.
That beckon back towards your own push and pull.

Away, to forth…in what feels like the same sentimental value system you’ve built your whole life upon.
Since that child in you learned how to let another in,
Since the teenager weathered your bones down to its shavings,

Meeting the incarnation of everything you feared since you were that.
And now, it’s the most fun a girl can have without ripping her face off.
“They only love you when you’re sick” - The strongest I had heard Ana’s voice yet.

i didnt disagree, nor really affirm the nature of it.
i nodded,
and in my own way
repeated it
back to myself.
curling it around my head
in the same manner
i imagine she did.
it’s not an easy thought, nor a well placed one.
but I couldn’t help but try
to understand the birth of it.

the birth of that girl.
the one both before and after Death.
i keep twirling her inside
and out of what feels like my vernacular.
for every time i speak,
so does She.

every ache
reminds an echo,
Her smile remains on pond-water,
distorting as the surface tension breaks with rain.

and every
every
every time it does break
and the water fills
more
and more she
waits
she
waits
and
she waits
to look down

and
feel beautiful
again
.
So that is what She must do .
and that is how i remain